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| Ok, Everybody. This is the end.
Unless you're a completely decrepid imbecile, (or are just some
stranger from another megaclique who didn't know me in the first place)
you probably know by now that this entire xanga profile, listings and
all, was a lie.
So, I'm retiring ServeHimOrBeDamned. Rather than being the
offensive front to one half of the xanga world that I was hoping it'd
be, it just turned out to be another facet into the Xanga Pretension
Machine.
So, he gone. But I remain. I figure, why not leave with my
interpretation of every xanga that I've ever read. That is, when
I read a xanga, here's what I see.
Here goes:
{"Currently listening/watching/reading: [something that's cool!
Or, better yet, something anti-cool that makes me look like some kind
of free spirit, so then people will think I'm cool! Even better,
something that makes me look intellectual. It's very important to
me that people think I'm an intellectual. I am an intellectual
free spirit, aren't I?]
Hi Everybody! I'm just listening/watching/reading [above item]
and it made me realize what an individual I am. Gee, the fact
that I like [above item] is surely a sign of my excellent taste and
quirky nature. I am quirky, by the way. I enjoy things that
are subversive to the norm, even though I choose those things that are
in the big stock pile of things that people choose as props to make
themselves look subversive to the norm. So, I play it safe with
my quirkyness. I'm just quirky enough... to stay nail-bitingly
bland! That's me!
This reminds me of a less-than-inspiring anecdote. [I'm sure all the
people that're reading this heard it in person, or via Instant Message,
but I'm posting it anyway to make it look as though many new
experiences happen to me. I do like new experiences, too.
They make me enriched and further augment my individuality. Yep,
they do. .... . . .
Don't just sit there! Nod in agreement! I'm an individual!]
So anyway, I was at [coffee shop/college building/movie
theatre/church/art gallery] and [member of my clique who we all pretend
is the wildest kid we know but in real life is just desperately trying
to overcome the timidity induced by years of emotional abuse at home]
was doing something so crazy. We totally almost got the cops
called on us. [In real life, no. Nobody was even
there. We all felt kind of awkward and stupid, but nobody had the
will to voice that.] Yep, that [kid] sure is crazy though.
Even though he's just acting like 92% of all teenagers... what with his
brazen disregard for the social norms and tendency to act on
impulse. That sure is different and individualistic of him.
No teenagers act like that. No sir.
Well, for my departing salutation I usually employ some kind of urban
slang, but today I'll just say "later". REST ASSURED
though! Tomorrow, I might say "later, yo"}
That was funny, wasn't it? In a kind of gawking, absurd
way. But if you read around the xanga world, you'll find every
profile has about 30 posts just like that. Once you realize this,
take a look at your own posts.
My purpose here is fulfilled.
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| Wow.
Let me say that again:
Wow.
It has been a long time, and there's a very long story to help explain why I haven't posted in over a month, so here goes:
We held Good Brother Tom's funeral service just a few days after my
last post. It was very endearing, people wept, and wept some
more. My band played at the viewing (that song you're hearing
right now is what we played, more on that below). My dad
scheduled for the funeral and burial to take place immediately after
the viewing... kind of odd I thought at the time, considering the
viewing was at 8 in the evening. Moving on, though: The
burial was going along just as planned; more tears and such, when
several state police and FBI vehicles pulled up, sirens and all.
At this point, my dad personally pushed the casket into the grave and
franticly started filling it in with his bare hands, and he demanded
that my brother and I do the same. It was too late though.
The police tackled my father and handcuffed my brother and me.
Sounds crazy already, huh? I'm not done yet...
We all got locked up. My brother and I were released after just a
few hours, because my dad confesed to what they had accused him
of. It turns out that my dad and Sam Jameson (another man from my
church) had switched caskets at the church before leaving to the
burial. Inside the casket we were trying to bury was Brother
Tom's personal computer and several disks. On the discs and
throughout the hard drive were several photographs and videos of child
pornography. I couldn't believe it! To top that, the FBI
said that my dad and Mr. Jameson were in a porn ring with Good Brother
Tom, so my personal computer and lots of my disks were confiscated as
well. I haven't seen my dad since they took him away. I got
a message to him from my mom, though. He wanted me to know that
he pled guilty because this secularist government wouldn't understand
that the whole business was a plot by Jaunita (whom we fired just prior
to all this) and her Mexican (aka satanic) friends to get back at the
Good Brother Tom for firing her.
That's why I love my dad. He made such a huge sacrifice just for
Tom's dignity and the well-being of all of us at the church. Now
he's got a life sentence. Truly, the Lord is good.
So, I have been without a computer to post my C-blog with. I'm at
my buddy Chris's house right now. Only the Lord knows at what
intervals I'll be able to update.
Anyway, I hope you like my tribute to Good Brother Tom. This
version is actually an edited-for-time version I made for my Xanga
(since the actual song is about three minutes and the host server only
allots a small amount of bandwidth before crashing for an hour).
I got it all engineered and edited at Smiley Jerk Studios, a studio
here in town. The guy working with us was named Johnny Sampo,
from the local blues combo Johnny & the Blue Spectres. He is
a pure genious, if I don't say so myself (he says it too). The
link for download is below, as always:
http://www.geocities.com/destinationsinger/brothertomxanga.mp3
I'd like to close by thanking everyone for extending their sympathy and
prayers to all of us who loved Good Brother Tom. Thank you
everyone, we will always be greatful.
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| Hey there everybody! I've got bad news... Good Brother Tom is dead.
Yep, I'm just plain shocked. We don't know much yet, but it seems
that he made what my dad calls a "friend" in his cell in the
jail. Apparently, this friend was bitter toward Good Brother Tom
for something Tom did to the guy while the guards weren't looking...
again, my dad's the man with all the secrets, and he won't tell anybody
else in the church the details, just that sometimes friends don't
appreciate what other friends can give them.
Anyway, the guy got out of jail himself just this week and hunted Tom
down and slit his throat and sodomized him. Why would he do
that? On top of being a killer, he's being homosexual too.
Besides, Tom wouldn't do something so sinful to him! He even
wrote on Tom's back, "Now let's see how you like it, preacher
man".
Needless to say, this meant we couldn't have Sunday morning service; it
was moved to the afternoon, right before evening service! The
afternoon move butted in on the time we alotted for the Easter
play auditions. So it's a real bummer all around this week.
On a happy note, my band and I made another demo, this time more
melodic and spacey. And yes, we know there's no lyrics to Jesus,
but the dedication at the beginning is enough for us to classify it as
a "Christian Rock" song, we checked to make sure.
Have a good week! I'll tell you how everything turns out!
http://www.geocities.com/destinationsinger/NothingtoDowithJesus.mp3
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| Hey, everybody!
Well, we finally paid off Good Brother Tom's bail. My dad paid
it; he got the money by selling our house and all our belongings.
It's so neat, now we get to live in the church! We set up some
bunks behind the podium that we'll have to take down every Sunday
morning. We'll get to bathe by showering each other with the hose in
the back. Dad got a book on what local bugs are poisonous, so we
can have a good supper each night. It's so neat; we're living
just like John the Baptist did! Good Brother Tom says the Lord
wants this, so this is the coolest thing ever.
We'll also get to do all the janitorial work for the church because we
found out that Jane, our cleaning lady, is really Mexican. Her
true name is Juanita. We found out because one of the ladies at
choir practice asked to borrow a dollar from her, and she saw the name
Juanita on her driver's license. She got away with it for so
long, probably because she's of "Spanish decent" rather than native
Mexican. That's so wrong, I can't even begin to comprehend it...
not only is Lucifer making minorities, but he's making them look like us now? Surely, this is a sign that the rapture is coming soon.
This Wednesday, we'll choose roles for the Easter play. I can't
wait! I hope I get to be crucified, whether as Him or one of the
thieves.
Also, hope you like the song... it's me and my Christian Rock band, Sacred Journey!
*EDIT*
It seems the song has loading problems, so I'll list the lyrics here:
Sing a hymn, wear hemp
Council at a Christian Camp
for Jesus
Everybody Loves Jesus!
Having youth group fun
Just lying in the sun
with Jesus
Everybody loves Jesus!
Jesus Jesus
Now!
Nails in your wrist
Ow!
Came back to life
How?
Savin' us all
Wow.
Everybody loves Jesus!
Also, if you want to download it to burn, here's the link:
http://www.geocities.com/destinationsinger/EverybodyLovesJesus.mp3
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| I found a Sister in Christ at McDonalds today. She was wearing a
T-shirt that said "Friends Don't Let Friends Go To Hell" on the front with the logo of her church on the back. I was
so beguiled, I gazed at her. Unfortunately, due to the placement
of the logo upon the shirt, she assumed my stare was unchaste and left
the restaraunt abruptly. God knows I wasn't being bad.
Oh yeah, I didn't write about church yesterday because some wild things happened this
weekend... Good Brother Tom chained himself to the doors of the local
newspaper office in protest of the liberal-dominated press's negative
stories on Helen. He was arrested, so we organized an impromptu
fund-raising bakesale to help with bail and court costs. We made
several desserts with the name of the Lord inscribed in icing. My
mom's Jesus Claws were the best, in my opinion. Unfortunately, we
couldn't advertise it in the paper because they put a restraining order
on the whole congregation, so we ended up eating all of the baked goods
ourselves. We were such pigs, I bet Jesus will come back just to
cast the demons into us!
So to the point, there'll be a rain check on our Spring Mission trip,
seeing as the church finances are going into protecting Good Brother
Tom from secularist tyranny in the government. We may have to
delay it until the Summer, or completely call it off this year.
This is Blake, signing off!
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